Oh My God, Get Out Of My Brian!

Everything is coming up Jesse

2009-11-26T01:02:59Z

My guitar teacher is a total badass. I went in for my lesson today and told him that it would be my last for a while as I am without job. He said that I should come in anyway and that I shouldn't worry about paying him until I find something or he gets a new student that needs my time slot.

Radical.

Tradgedy Strikes

2009-11-22T20:46:24Z

My Face- 0 Other peoples' foreheads- 2

Yesterday afternoon I played football and one of my teammate's heads collided with mine. I totally went to the ER and received a grand total of 19 stitches (16 outer, 3 inner). I'm lookin' good. The other guy was fine because he was massive and looked like this:

On another note: thank you to everyone that sent me birthday wishes and those who came out to make my birthday a ton of fun. Also, thank you for your patience as I probably rambled on and on and on and on.

Non-Stop Excitement in the life of Jesse Willard

2009-10-19T18:15:39Z

So according to the Seattle Times, that whole "Balloon Boy" incident was a hoax. Apparently the parents were trying to use it to get a reality show. They may now get charged with three felonies.

I just watched a commercial for Barbie Dogs. Those are dogs that Barbie can play with. The commercial had a song in it that was to the tune of Aqua's "Barbie Girl." Didn't Mattel sue Aqua over that song? Now, twelve years later, they are using it to promote Barbie Dogs?

My bathroom smells like bleach. I was excited because I thought somebody might have cleaned it but nope...It just smells clean. It's not dirty, don't worry. It's just not the sparkling clean that the smell would have you believe.

I went to a bar last night called El Chupacabra. The had a pool table, but no pool balls. Apparently someone broke into the bar and stole a bunch of money, booze and yes, the pool balls. I would like to think that this was a two man job and an argument ensued along the lines of:

"Dude, they have some pool balls."

"They are called billiard balls."

"Grow up."

"Are you seriously taking them right now? We just stole $500. We can buy some billiard balls."

"Yeah, but I think these will make a great conversation piece."

Trash

2009-07-06T20:17:56Z

Pantera rules.

Growing up

2009-07-02T21:09:17Z

It is probably time for me to change my voice mail message.

iamthewalrussss @ 2009-06-22T21:46:00

2009-06-23T04:48:01Z

So I am broke and have no job or prospects or food, but I am about to play some WOW TCG and I gotta say- life is good.

How interesting.

2009-06-18T09:39:02Z

This has been a very odd week.

However, I did get my grades back.

I needed to pass all of them, one with a 2.0 or better.

I only went to one of the classes 4 times (including the midterm and final).

I skipped (intentionally) the final for another class, assuming that it wouldn't affect my grade.

DOMINATION.

Yes, I brag. Deal with it. I'm walking on air. My graduation is actually 100% official now.

OK, goodnight.

Uh ohs

2009-06-06T08:39:09Z

Cross your fingers, friends.

Good-bye to a friend.

2009-05-20T19:46:42Z

RIP towel shirt. We had some good times.

Oh, and this

2009-05-09T03:48:43Z

I can't speak anything.

2009-05-09T03:16:53Z

Ok, so I have been in bed sick for the past few days coughing my lungs onto the floor. My room looks like an ogre's cave with piles of dishes, unfinished meals, and plenty of other refuse strewn about. My throat is cutoff from the rest of the civilized world and I can speak in five second intervals.

I had a Spanish oral examination. I was expected to chat for ten minutes with my professor about the finer points of Chile. I don't think she understood my situation. I tried to be subtle and talked about how I wasn't doing so well and that I feel very warm. I am pretty sure she took that to mean that I was not prepared and it was a lovely day.

So to sum up, I bombed that shit. I was so loaded up on cough syrup and cough drops that I almost got lost on the way there. The entire time she was speaking it was like I could only focus on her mouth and her lips were moving in slow motion. I had to keep staring blankly and say "Otravez por favor" (again please). That's all I could do. By that time it was feeling really hot in the room and sweat was literally dripping down my face. My professor saw it and said, "No necesitas estar nervioso" (Don't be nervous). In response I babbled incoherently.

The worst part: I didn't even get to talk about how the native people of Easter Island destroyed themselves by decimating their forest resources. That's some heavy shit. I *did* say "Yo leia mas sobre Easter Island" (I read more about Easter Island) the followed that bold statement with silence.

As you can see, my past few days as a partial mute has made me very chatty. Poor young Ian Davidson felt the brunt of it as I texted him for twenty minutes about magic cards.

I am drinking a tea called "Gypsy Cold Remedy"

The gypsies are liars that only want to sell you magic branches.

You can quote me on that. In fact, you *should* quote me on that, because I am not a man with many quotes out in the world.

I thought of a different title, but decided against it.

2009-04-27T09:34:15Z

So I was hanging out with a buddy: no joke.

Furthermore, he and a friend entered a local film contest where they were charged with penning, shooting, and editing a musical.

Today I spent 10 glorious hours writing songs for said musical.

They all suck and are awesome. It's about an alien (presumably from the moon or some *bullshit*) that was exiled and is now looking for love on earth.

Best lyric: "I came from space"
That's right. We fucking went for it. No subtly needed.

Second best lyric: "Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah, fuckin' yeah, whooaaaooooo"

Did I mention that this film only needs to be 5-10 minutes long?

You can all have a copy. I know you want one.

It was written before my birth...who am I to stop it?

2009-04-13T09:30:21Z

I am going to purchase a banjo once I get my student loan money.

iamthewalrussss @ 2009-03-30T08:27:00

2009-03-30T15:29:33Z

NOICE!

I just got my placement test for Spanish back a couple of minutes ago (I had neglected to take this test until last Friday) and I placed into Spanish 103. This means that I get to graduate on time and *not* take Spanish in the summer.

I am irresponsible and victorious.

Hail!

iz broke

2009-03-09T10:22:52Z

Both my car and self are now broke.

Good news: My roommate has two motorcycles and is very generous...

Soon I could look like a badass on my way to tutoring children. Because, in the end, isn't impressing 4th graders all that really matters?

Things in my way:

* Very little knowledge of how to ride a motorcycle. (In theory, yes, but in practice, no. The whole manual trigger clutch thing is kind of weird. Also, you have to count your gears because there is no way to tell.)

* It impossible for me to look anything thing but unbalanced and clumsy. Badassitude: me :: food and drink : Tantalus.

iamthewalrussss @ 2009-02-11T01:21:00

2009-02-11T09:28:12Z

So Ian D is gone to California and the other guitarist in my band is studying abroad. This has left only myself, the drummer, and the lead singer. Solution? Faux power trio hardcore punk band. We got together today for the first time ever and here is our song list (originals of course):

1. No Sex Allowed (inspired from that dude from American Idol)

2. You Have the Right to Remain Violent

3. Jeremiah's (W)right

4. Living in the US of KKK A

If you are having any funerals or petting zoos that need some shitty, shitty, shitty music, feel free to call me up.

If you have any song title ideas, I would be more than happy to expand them into horrible songs.

Note: We suck.

On a related note: Eat it midterms. You are finished. I made you my biggity bitch...that is to say that I completed you and have a few weeks of no work.

iamthewalrussss @ 2008-12-17T00:32:00

2008-12-17T08:43:34Z

Ok, so there is little more satisfying than thinking you may fail a class and finding out that you ruled it. Example: I was studying for my Arab-Israeli final and took a substantial amount of time working with the syllabus to see what I could score on the final (55% of the total grade) to pass the class. I was aiming for a 1.9. Note: I had no idea what I had scored on the other 45% of the grade as I had not attended class enough to pick up my assignments.

Got a 3.4. Bitchin'. Assuming that I got around a 0% for participation because I never went to class, I ruled the final. DAMN. Also, 4.0'd US Congress.

Bragging over.

Next item:

A was working at my tutoring job today and one of the kids gave me a Christmas card and a present. I found this touching. I then read the card. It said:

Envelope: "Kumon Best Teacher Jesse"

Inside: "Jesse, Thanks so much for helping me through D math level it was really callenging for me. You are my best Kumon teacher except Dena you are my best teacher. Sincerely Alex Jahn"

That's right, young Alex took the time to tell me that I was his favorite teacher, except that he likes a different teacher better than me. While I don't necessarily understand why he couldn't have omitted that part of the note, I can appreciate his candor. Fucking ridiculous! Ha.

You guys are all my best friends, except for everyone else. Ha. Amazing.

Lastly, I saw this and it ruled.

The Long Haul

2008-11-14T04:04:56Z

Commencing cram session now.

See you after my midterms tomorrow.

I will die of exposure.

SAY WHAT

2008-10-28T05:53:57Z

PEOPLE NEED TO FIGURE OUT 'DAY SHIT

FO SHO

This is not that timely, but it has been my wallpaper for a while now

2008-10-05T08:34:04Z

If you haven't seen it yet, enjoy.

In other new, "Walking Dead" is quite possibly the shit.

Read it for 3.5 hours today.

Zombies!

Ehhhhhh, still got it!

2008-07-27T17:15:40Z

So, I feel like girls get hit on too often to appreciate it.

Yesterday, whilst perusing the rock and roll section of FYE in the South Center Mall, a lady that worked there came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. She told me hello and asked me how is was going. I told her that all was well then she started to giggle then run off to her coworkers and whisper. I assumed that she thought I was somebody else from behind and had greeted me in that way by accident.

A couple minutes later she approached me and started asking me more questions while giggling playfully and pushing me and rubbing my arm in a flirtatious manner. It became quite clear what she was doing. I exited the store very quickly, as I have this whole girlfriend thing going on. However, since it happened I have been riding high, self-esteem-wise.

This is worth an entry for the following reasons:

1. Being a goofy pale dude, I don't generally get hit on too often, but when it happens it feels great.

2. The lady was pretty cute, which is like bonus points.

3. The lady was a black lady, which means she likes not just white guys, but the whitest guys around. And that is hilarious.

Employed!

2008-07-17T17:38:36Z

So after weeks of doing odd jobs to stay afloat financially, following the JoRo's incident, I finally found a job.

I will be a food prep boy at Schultzy's Sausage Restaurant. That puts me on the fast-track to one day being a cook or even *a sausage maker*.

Also, yesterday Mamer's girlfriend called me and said that this lady wanted to use some of my band's music in a documentary she was making.

Also, I played a pretty kickass show with a pretty terrible band (a different one but with the same drummer from my band) at a bar last night. The band leader was pulled aside and told that while the set was good, the rhythm section (the bass and drums) was spectacular. That's right, the best part of this other band was my band.

Also, I am a dork for the previous sentence.

Also, I went to the zoo and saw adorable animals.

Also, Calanda told me about Rock of Love 3.

So basically yesterday was totally bitchin'.

Maybe I should become a monk....

2008-07-03T19:37:09Z

So I am very poor. To remedy this, I applied for a job at Johnny Rockets. Both Ian and my girlfriend work there and are friends with the manager. After my second interview, I was told that I was hired and would get a call soon. One of my friends that works at JR's saw my application and that it had a hire sticker on it. My girlfriend also saw this sticker on my application. I stopped looking for a job and bought a uniform, as I was to start soon. However, I never received a call from the manager. Turns out, he decided to hire two single women (his general practice) instead of me, even though I was already told that I had the job. Is this legal?

I just got a parking ticket.

FUCK NUT

Sweet Justice

2008-06-04T08:36:40Z

We always joked about it; now you caught something. Have fun with your rash. That's what you get for rollin' in the hay with the appropriately titled "STD Girl."

No, you cannot borrow my cortisone cream.

I rarely update for anything substantive

2008-05-23T07:29:10Z

Ok, since I got back from Europe the following things occurred:

1. My band won a big deal battle of the bands that got us a bunch of crazy cool gear and recording time. Thanks to everyone that came out.

2. I got charged at by a giant spider and could only defend myself with a vacuum.

3. I became flat broke. I have no goddamn money. As my grandpapa would say, "I don't have one red cent."

4. I have decided that college blows if only because of these last couple days

Let me elaborate. I had to complete an 8 page foreign policy paper last night. Tonight I still have 4-5 pages left on a New Testament paper. Tomorrow I have a test.

Do not all professors know that most successful academics put off their work until the point where it absolutely MUST be done? Know that, why do they conspire against me and give me two days with insane workloads? And who really gives a shit about how the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John differ during the calling to the disciples event? That's what I thought.

Oh well, after 2:00pm tomorrow I am done worrying about school at all. I will only have one final this quarter and no more papers. Tally ho!